


stay high (all the time)

by jengao



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drinking, M/M, Making Out, Smoking, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-05 04:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17317871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jengao/pseuds/jengao
Summary: jaemin's on the bathroom sink and jeno's laying in the bathtub, high.





	1. Chapter 1

jeno tasted like beer. jaemin tasted like smoke.

and both loved the feeling of skin on skin; coupled with the feeling of cold metal digging into their backs.

they always ended up in a bathroom on the second or third floor, but who was keeping count?  
jaemin was resting on the counter, one foot in the sink while the other dangled off the edge. jeno was comfortable in the bathtub, arms hanging out the sides. jaemin dragged a cigarette from between his lips while jeno copied his motions with a blunt.

the space of the bathroom was filled with choking vapor of tobacco, enough to make jaemin's throat itch. but he loved the burn. the lightheadedness. the sensation of floating that came with it all whenever he lit up with jeno.

jaemin's eyes were glazed over, slowly drifting to the older boy, his eyes committing an outline of jeno's body to memory. he looked so fucking good.

he was in such simple clothes: black fitted jeans, plain white tee and a silver chain that hung from his thick neck. and yet, jaemin couldn't stop staring. he had done it often before, and so jeno was used to it.

he watched as jeno slowly bought dimming blunt to his lips, inhaling and then holding while he arm fell back to his side. jeno threw his head back, exhaling.

his neck. jaemin's teeth dug harshly into his lips. his fingers gripped the cold, wet countertop just a bit tighter.

the bathroom was small and dim, the space awash in purple light leaking in through the door. but both boys were used to dark places, their eyes quick to adjust each time. besides, they knew each other's silhouettes like the back of their hand; that was all they needed.

jaemin inhaled, letting the smoke fill his lungs before breathing it all out again. his mind emptied with it, all his worries and doubts leaving him like smoke.

jeno watched. jaemin wasn't his boyfriend, not by a long shot. hell, he wasn't sure if the younger boy would even consider him a friend anymore. but even after all that happened, jeno always found jaemin on the other end of line. and soon they would find themselves together again, smoking or drinking, but often both.

jeno had always had a drinking habit, even before he met jaemin. he blamed all those stupid high school house parties where he did one too many keg stands and found himself more and more drawn to how the alcohol made those nights more bearable. soon, jeno started showing up to parties drunk already.

jaemin hadn't been any better. the first time they met, jeno was tipsy and jaemin was offering him a cigarette. jeno raised his brows at him, his lips curving up into a smirk.

"im not a smoker."

"try mine then." jaemin had passed his lit cigarette to the older boy, who took in between his lips, taking in a breath before passing it back to jaemin.

"we just kissed."

jeno had raised his eyebrows again, this time in confusion.

"my lips were on this before, and then your lips were. so we kissed, technically."

"... why don't we kiss again then?"

jaemin had thought he wanted to smoke again when jeno suddenly closed the space between them, pressing his lips against jaemin's. the younger boy sighed into the kiss, letting his mouth fall open. jeno tasted like cheap beer and smoke. jaemin liked that. he actually liked it a lot. 

that moment happened again that night. and other nights. again and again and again. and in all different places.

even after jaemin had called it quits with jeno, smoking didn't feel the same anymore. he had tried his hand at weed, hoping that getting high would help him get his mind off jeno. but it was still the same.

it was the same for jeno. their only working solution was getting and staying high, together. even now, with a few feet between them, both felt a drowning wave of peace wash over them, smoke filling the bathroom more and more as they exhaled.

"jaemin." jeno's voice was low, a whisper just loud enough so the other boy could hear. jaemin wordlessly crushed his cigarette in the sink before climbing off and stepping towards the bathtub. he knew what came next. this always came next.

jeno made space for jaemin, the younger boy climbing into jeno's lap. it was tight fit, the both of them in one tub, but nothing neither of them weren't used to. jeno went to take one last hit of his blunt, a habit he'd developed since he met jaemin. for some reason cigarettes had never been as enticing to him but weed worked well in its place. just before it connected with his lips, jaemin grabbed out of his hand.

he brought it to his own lips, inhaling while trying not grimace. he hastily crushed against the side of the tub before letting it fall to floor. just as jeno opened his mouth to complain, jaemin slotted his own against jeno's. he exhaled the smoke into jeno's mouth, letting him take it all in. jaemin pulled back, his lungs quickly taking in air in an attempt to expunge the taste of weed.

a futile attempt because seconds later jeno was pulling jaemin back towards him by his collar, his tongue running laps in jaemin's mouth. the taste of beer, smoke, weed, and whatever else the two boys had that night mixed together in an intoxicating cocktail that left them unable to pull away from each other. like magnets, their lips were drawn together, inseparable.

jaemin's legs were wrapped around jeno's waist, his hands tugging at his hair as he pulled jeno's head to the side. jeno's hands gripped jaemin's waist, letting his fingers slip under his shirt and trace circles into his abdomen. jeno shuddered slightly as jaemin adjusted his position slightly, his hips moving against jeno's in the most delicious way.

jaemin repeated the motion again, biting his lips to keep jeno's name from slipping between his lips. he didn't want to lose control and have jeno feeling cocky. at least not yet.

jeno had been the one to motion jaemin over. he had been the one to call him tonight. jeno was the one who kissed jaemin the first night they met. and yet, jaemin was the one who always ended up calling all the shots, leading jeno to do whatever he wanted.

it was fun. watching jeno gain confidence with every shot and hit he took only to have it all crumble when jaemin sat in his lap. jeno was equally fun drugged up and entirely domineering. he took care of jaemin in ways he would be too shy to do sober.

that jeno still broke through at moments, like now. his fingers dug into jaemin's sides, making the younger boy gasp. jeno broke the kiss to trail sloppy kisses down jaemin's chin, with jaemin instinctively throwing his head back. one of jeno's hands came up to hold his head to side, his teeth biting where he knew jaemin liked it best. that's when he noticed a what looked like a ghost of a hickey.

 

"did someone get to you... before me?"

it took jaemin a second to register the question, before he sneered.

"stop acting like we're anything, jeno."

jaemin didn't want to have the conversation. not right now. not until jeno had his head spinning.  
so jaemin did the only thing he could think of. he pulled his shirt off. jeno's was next. he brought their faces together, pressing open mouthed kisses along jeno's jaw until he reached his lips. jaemin let his hand trail down between their bodies, tracing along the waistband of jeno's briefs, until his fingers dipped under, pulling back and letting the elastic snap back against jeno's skin. he moaned from the surprise sting, and jaemin took the chance swipe his tongue across in jeno's lips. jeno was putty once more in jaemin's hands.

jaemin deepened the kiss, pressing their bodies flush against each other. he felt cold metal suddenly, realizing it was jeno's necklace. he pulled back, much to jeno's disdain. it glittered even in the dark. with shock, jaemin recognized it; he was pretty sure it was the one he got jeno for his 18th birthday last year, when they were still together.

"jaemin?"

jeno called jaemin's name, cocking his head to the side, like a cat. jaemin brought his eyes back up to his face. something in that moment made jaemin freeze; the way jeno said his name. jaemin pulled jeno in for another kiss, this time much more slow, much more passionate. jeno sensed the sudden change but kissed jaemin with the same fervor.

they stayed like that in that bathtub, making out gently and roughly and gently again. jeno's eyes were still rimmed with red from his high and smoke lingered on jaemin's tongue even at 4 am when someone came to kick them out. the party was over.

jaemin pulled himself up first, helping jeno up after. their legs hurt like hell, having been squashed into the small space of the tub for awhile. jaemin and jeno each grabbed a few empty beer cans to 'clean up' and left without a word. jaemin went back to jeno's, something he hadn't done in months. neither of them questioned it.

jaemin was gonna finish that conversation with jeno, in the morning.


	2. stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little prequel as requested^^

“jenooooo, why aren’t you paying attention to me?”

“how much did you drink to be this fucking whiney?”

jaemin had always been clingy, not that jeno minded. his boyfriend also always quick to switch up his act, going from cute to coy in seconds. and jeno knew from jaemin’s tone that his intentions weren’t innocent.

“why does it matter, i just want you to look at me…”

jaemin shoved his way into jeno’s lap, nearly knocking the drink out of his hands. jaemin caught it before it spilled, downing the cup in seconds. it hit the ground somewhere behind them.

jaemin was quick kiss his boyfriend. there was a moment of shock that quickly disappeared, jeno pulling jaemin closer into his body. he tasted like cigarettes, as always.  
  
they were on a stranger's couch at some random party jaemin got invited to. neither were ever the type to turn down free drinks or weed. soon they made their way from the living room to another room somewhere else in the apartment. now, they were in stranger's bed. but they had each other, and that familiarity was enough for them to feel safe and fill the empty space between them.  
  
jeno climbed on top of jaemin, giggling and significantly more tipsy. they had a few more shots and shared a shitty blunt in the time since jaemin almost soaked jeno in his own beer.  
  
jeno's eyes were a little red, unable to focus. jaemin had cigarette ash in his hair. neither of them were sober in the slightest, but that's how they almost had the most fun. jeno was less reserved and jaemin even more subservient.  
  
jeno's necklace hung off his neck, brushing against jaemin's chin as jeno continued to hover over him. a matching necklace glittered under jaemin's shirt; jeno had managed to track down the exact same chain jaemin had gifted him and brought him his own for his 18th birthday in august.  
  
jaemin's hand reached up to trace jeno's chin, down his neck and eventually along the chain. the metal was cold against jaemin's warm fingertips. jaemin pressed it into jeno's skin.  between the two of them, it was like the chain warmed up immediately.  
  
jeno pulled jaemin's lingering fingers to his lips, kissing each one one by one. he smiled into each kiss. jaemin's face flushed with each kiss as well.  
  
both boys were high but happy. and in love with each other.  
  
jeno let his body crash down on jaemin's, his hands going cup his cheeks as he placed a kiss softly on his lips. jaemin giggled into his mouth. jeno grinned into his lips in response.  
  
just as jeno pulled back to look into jaemin's eyes, the door crashed opened.  
  
"... jaemin?" there was betrayal in the stranger's voice.  
  
or maybe they were only a stranger to jeno, because the way the tanned boy was staring at jaemin from the door and the way jaemin stiffened up under jeno, they knew each other.  
  
they knew each other well.  
  
jeno recoginzed him suddenly as the boy who had welcomed them. this must be his house, his party. this was the 'stranger' that had invited jaemin. jeno's eyes drifted between the boys, none of them brave enough to utter a word.  
  
the silence and guilt was choking jaemin. their necklaces suddenly felt like ice shards against their skin. he didn't know what to do.  
  
"jaemin, i didn't know you kissed all your friends..." another arrow to jeno's heart. friend? he was jaemin fucking _boyfriend_ .  
  
once, jaemin had made them swear to each other that they would never see anybody else. jaemin had been worried, deathly worried that jeno would leave him, or cheat behind his back.  
  
oh. how the tables had turned


	3. try again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin wakes up in jeno's bed; alone.

jaemin stared at the ceiling, counting imaginary lines in an attempt to stop his head from spinning. the space next to him was empty.

he only hoped jeno was making him breakfast in the kitchen right now. piling blueberry pancake atop pancake, jaemin’s favorite. jeno always makes it for him. _made._

jaemin had to remind himself that. that jeno doesn’t exist anymore, not for jaemin at least. jaemin had killed that version of jeno the night donghyuck had burst into that bedroom. it was his doing, and it would selfish for jaemin to believe that jeno owed him anything. the fact that he hadn’t kicked him out of his apartment yet was generous enough. jeno even acknowledging his affection was more than enough for jaemin, because he knew he was never going to get anything more than that.

jaemin eventually dragged himself out of bed, trying his best to not stumble into the door frame. once he stepped into the hallway, he waited for the smell of pancakes to hit him. it did not.

maybe jeno bringing him back didn’t mean anything? should jaemin even try reasoning with his ex boyfriend? what if jeno really only saw him as a hookup and nothing more? it appeared he didn’t feel the way about him; he really had moved on.

he shuffled to the doorway, hoping to leave as quickly as possible. luckily, jeno hadn’t moved and his apartment was only a few blocks away from jaemin’s dorm. just as he was about to slip on his shoes, jeno called out to him from the kitchen.

“why are you sneaking out like a rat?”

“.. do i have any choice?”

jeno cocked his head to the side again, smiling softly at jaemin. jaemin held in a breath.

“i don’t think i would have brought you home if you didn’t.”

jaemin opened his mouth to respond but he couldn’t find the words. his hangover was killing him and he couldn’t even begin to imagine what jeno was thinking of.

“jaemin.” he did it again. jeno used the same tone he had last night in the bathtub. and jaemin’s heart jumped the same way it had then. he felt tears start to well up, his chest heaving as he tried his best to hold them in. jaemin needed to leave. now.

jeno put down his mug and started making his way towards jaemin. and all jaemin could do was freeze in place, his glistening eyes widening as jeno closed the space between them, bringing jaemin flush against his chest.

jeno didn’t say anything. he couldn’t say anything. but as he held his shaking ex boyfriend in his arms, combing one hand through his hand while the other ran softly over his back, he hoped that jaemin would understand. that he would find the words that jeno couldn’t.

jaemin could barely breathe. this had to be a dream? jeno tore up their pictures. jeno took back his keys. jeno packed all of jaemin’s things and left it outside the door the next morning. and he was right to. jaemin had cheated on him. and for months.

yet, he was holding jaemin in his arms like he was the most fragile thing in the world. like he was scared he was going to lose him. jeno was holding his ex boyfriend like he used to.

jeno pulled back, holding jaemin’s face in his hands as jaemin stared back at him with fearful eyes. his cheeks were wet, and his eyes slightly red. jeno wiped at jaemin’s eyes with his thumbs, slightly pouting as he did. at this, jaemin started crying even more.

“why are you crying?” jeno started to panic as jaemin buried his face into his hands, stepping away from jeno.

“do you understand how much it hurts?”

“jaemin baby what do you m-”

“don’t call me that!”

jeno froze, jaemin’s broken sobs piercing his heart like poison dipped arrows. jaemin crumpled to the floor, his cries shaking through his body. he missed jeno so much. he had for months, so when jeno didn’t push him away when jaemin climbed into his lap at a party months after they broke up, jaemin didn’t push his luck. he kept their hookups strictly that, and never brought up his lingering feelings.

jaemin had never been quite sure why jeno let him back into his life, even if it was only getting high and making out. he could only hope it was because jeno still felt something for him. but there seemed anyway to light the obvious spark that remained between them. so every hookup ended in a flame that failed to light. and jaemin was forced to swallow his feelings each night jeno left him at party to clean up after himself with a fire that burned in him alone.

jaemin had dreamed of the day jeno would hold him in his arms like this again. he just never thought it would be anything more than that.

jeno bent down to jaemin’s level and pulled him into wordlessly again.

jaemin quickly pulled away from jeno, his face red. a garbled apology spilled out at his words tripped over themselves in an attempt to form coherent sentences. he was speaking too fast though and his voice kept shaking as all the pain from their break up came back up at once.

“i can’t apologize enough, i don’t even deserve you holding me right now.”

“... jaemin.” jeno was on the verge of tears himself. he looked up at the ceiling, willing his tears to not fall. Jeno took in a deep breath before looking back at jaemin.

“my friends told me to let you go; to forget you. they were mad when they found out we were…  meeting up again. but i couldn’t stop, i mean i didn’t want to stop? i guess i still had feelings for you even after everything that happened.”

“and it’s all my fault. i hurt you so bad, baby. my biggest mistake and i've regretted it everyday. but... please, just give me another chance? lets give us another chance, hmm?” jaemin tried to pull himself together. jeno was just within arms length and he didn’t intend to lose him a second time.

and jaemin meant it when he said he regretted donghyuck. he just hoped jeno understood this.

jeno stared at his ex boyfriend in front of him. his hands went to wipe his tears and jaemin instinctively leaned his face into jeno’s hands. his eyes closed as he tried to calm his breathing, a small smile forming on his lips as jeno spoke.

“okay, lets try again baby.”

**Author's Note:**

> so i've been playing kingdom hearts all break but here's something i wrote at 5 am while on tinder lmao


End file.
